Drank quite a bit of beer last night.
Jeni went on the road in the evening.  Expected back on Thursday.
Just me and Alex.
I don't feel too bad this morning considering the amount of beer I drank last night.  (Probably around a 12 pack over the whole afternoon and evening.)
But I still feel out of control.   I want to go back to where I was a few weeks ago;  taking good care of myself, doing what I know is right; feeling good physically and emotionally.
I'm considering going back to some AA meetings if I can't get this beer thing under control.
I know that's not how AA is intended to work, but I don't care.  I don't believe in their paradigm anyway.  It just helps me to get control back when I feel I'm losing it.  Once I've got it under control, I stop going.  I'm not going to buy into their "God" paradigm, not today, not tomorrow, not ever.  It's just not going to happen.  I don't care what the Chapter to the Agnostic says.   The only problem with AA is that they can't believe that anybody can stay an agnostic forever, and feel it's only a matter of time before they "convert" you.  Trust me, I've had more than enough conversion for two lifetimes.   I'm done with that shit.
I must admit to feeling rather empty, puposeless, depressed, anxious.   I want my life back.